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document.write('<p class="rss-title"><a class="rss-title" href="https://babylonbee.com" target="_blank">Babylon Bee</a><br /><span class="rss-item">The following is not satire. Seriously.</span></p>');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/in-6-3-vote-supreme-court-overturns-all-matrix-sequels/" target="_blank">In 6-3 Vote, Supreme Court Overturns All Matrix Sequels</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 19:46:39 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court overturned all Matrix sequels, rendering them invalid. Warner Brothers will no long...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/convenient-napkin-dispenser-lets-you-grab-either-a-handful-of-50-napkins-or-tear-a-small-corner-off-of-one-napkin/" target="_blank">Convenient Napkin Dispenser Lets You Grab Either A Handful Of 50 Napkins Or Tear A Small Corner Off 1 Napkin</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 18:56:05 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('U.S. — In what dispenser experts are calling an \"exciting step forward for waste and frustration,\" United Dispensers, LLC announced that this year\'s m...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/ghislaine-maxwell-to-be-killed-early-on-good-behavior/" target="_blank">Ghislaine Maxwell To Be Killed Early On Good Behavior</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 16:49:43 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('NEW YORK, NY — Ghislaine Maxwell, former co-conspirator of sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for her crimes, but the...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/ghislaine-maxwell-sentenced-to-prison-in-spite-of-years-of-faithful-service-to-nations-leaders/" target="_blank">Ghislaine Maxwell Sentenced To Prison In Spite Of Years Of Faithful Service To Nation\'s Leaders</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 16:09:44 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('NEW YORK, NY - Ghislaine Maxwell has been sentenced to 20 years in prison, in spite of her many years of faithful service to our nation\'s leaders. ...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/millions-become-pro-lifers-after-learning-they-wont-have-to-listen-to-pink-anymore/" target="_blank">Millions Become Pro-Life After Learning They Won\'t Have To Listen to Pink Anymore</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 15:43:09 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('U.S. — Singer-songwriter Pink took to Twitter following the landmark Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v. Wade, telling all pro-life fans to stop...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/reminder-all-women-required-to-report-to-mike-pence-to-receive-standard-issue-handmaid-outfit-by-5-pm-today/" target="_blank">Reminder: All Women Required To Report To Mike Pence To Receive Standard-Issue Handmaid Outfit By 5 PM Today</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 13:40:37 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('PUBLIC NOTICE: All women are required to report to Mike Pence to receive their standard-issue handmaid outfits by 5:00 PM EST today. Any woman who is ...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/elmo-dies-of-myocarditis-after-receiving-covid-vaccine/" target="_blank">Elmo Dies Of Myocarditis After Receiving COVID Vaccine</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 13:19:35 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('SESAME STREET - Reports have confirmed that beloved Sesame Street resident Elmo died unexpectedly this morning just a few hours after receiving the CO...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/21-greatest-benefits-of-becoming-a-dad/" target="_blank">21 Greatest Benefits Of Becoming A Dad</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 12:50:52 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('Fathers are the forgotten heroes of this world. Mothers get all the glory (and with good reason!) but there are still some great benefits to being a d...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-signs-new-trans-rights-order-says-if-you-like-your-genitals-you-can-keep-your-genitals/" target="_blank">Biden Signs Order Supporting Gender Surgery, Promises \'If You Like Your Genitals You Can Keep Your Genitals\'</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Tue, 28 Jun 2022 12:14:45 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden made significant progress in transgender rights this week by signing an executive order that allows the Affordable ...');
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document.write('<li class="rss-item"><a class="rss-item" href="https://babylonbee.com/news/compromise-texas-says-abortion-can-remain-legal-but-the-baby-gets-an-ar-15-to-defend-himself/" target="_blank">Compromise: Texas Says Abortion Can Remain Legal But The Baby Gets An AR-15 To Defend Himself</a><br />');
document.write('<span class="rss-date">Mon, 27 Jun 2022 20:48:55 -0400</span><br />');
document.write('AUSTIN, TX - In a shocking reversal from long-standing pro-life policies, the Texas legislature has decided that abortion can be legal in their state ...');
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document.write('</ul></div>');